


His Habits

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, it somehow turned into this, sorrynotsorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 14:12:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3212102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't need his lucky tie after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Habits

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh........so.....this was supposed to be really cute and fluffy and about Levi proposing to Eren.....but.....it turned out into this..........so......um.......DON'T HATE ME. Just leaving that here as a little warning. Thanks for reading:)

On that day, he wore the blue and silver striped necktie even though he thought it looked childish and cheap. On that day, he tied a perfect bow onto his dress-shoes, something that he'd never bothered to do before. On that day, the short man with the undercut and piercing grey eyes avoided every crack in the floor of his house. For that was what Eren had loved to do. You see, Eren had a collection of habits that he called "his lucky charms". Levi had thought that it was as cheesy as fuck, but he followed every single one of them on this day. Why, you ask? Well, today was a special day. Today was the day that Levi would see Eren for the last time, and he thought he would need all the luck he could get in order to make it through the day without breaking down. Without crying. So at 10:51 in the morning, Levi wore his lucky necktie that Eren had given him, checked the mirror for any cracks, and crossed his fingers before getting into his shiny black Porsche and driving away.  
//  
At exactly 12:00 pm, Levi finally arrived at the place where he would force himself to let Eren go, forever. He got out of his car, straightened his tie, perfected his hair, and made his way to the cemetery grounds. The area lay tucked into the side of a mountain, far away from the population and city pollution and Eren hated so much. It was quiet and a little lonely, but Eren would've loved it as his final resting place.  
No one was in sight when Levi drew near the gates. Everyone had paid their respects to Eren earlier, and had left to let Levi visit Eren in peace. The air felt thick and dreary, as if it was daring Levi to breathe; lest he choke on the impending misery that was sure to come.  
In the middle of the stone graveyard sat a casket, white and cold in the December fog. Stopping at its side, Levi slowly knelt down next to it and slid the lid open. At first, his expression remained stoic as ever. But ever so quietly, he let out a small whimper. And that shattered his entire composure. He dropped his briefcase and scrambled forward, not caring if his new slacks got dirty. His small, trembling hands found Eren's face, and he gasped; Eren's face was so, so cold. His once tan skin was now as pale as the moon, and the comforting warmth that had embraced Levi not so long ago was gone. Instead, in its place was just a stiff, empty shell which had harbored the most brightly lit boy Levi had ever known.  
A tear dropped onto Eren's cheek, but it was hurriedly wiped away by Levi's thumb.  
"Eren, Eren, why are you crying? Please don't cry; I'm here now; it's alright. Everything's going to be okay. Eren, don't cry."  
More tears splashed onto Eren's still face. Levi grew frantic. Why was his Eren crying? Why was he hurting?  
"Eren, no, please, don't cry. It's not your fault. It's all mine, all mine, all mine..."  
Levi reached up to rub his eyes that had suddenly become blurry. Instead, his fingers felt wetness. He was...crying?  
"No!"  
He ripped off his lucky tie and threw it on the ground. He stepped on it and kicked dirt over the tie, ruining its earlier pristine state. Now, the tie showed signs of ripping and turned dull from the dust and grime.  
Levi cursed; this was supposed to help him. The tie had helped him propose to Eren; had helped him get a promotion; had helped him through his mother's death. It was truly his lucky tie. But today, it had failed its one and only task, keeping Levi together. And for that, Levi loathed it.  
When the tie, now shredded to pieces, was lost under layers of soil, Levi stopped, breathing heavily. He knelt back down. Slowly at first, but soon the tears streaming down his face drenched the ground underneath him as he sat there, hunched over against the pain of losing Eren. As his mourning became more sorrowful, he realized that the necktie, the thing that Eren had shyly given to him, was now torn and buried somewhere because of Levi's cowardly anger. Levi frantically dug through the surrounding soil until he found a piece of the once silver-grey striped tie. He clutched it to his chest as he knelt in despair, sobbing over his loss and Eren's unfair life.  
//  
At 2:18 pm, long after Levi ceased his tears, it started to rain. Levi had expected this; but he did not expect to be still here, next to Eren. But here he lay, curled up against the stone of Eren's coffin without an umbrella or a raincoat. And he didn't care. Levi welcomed the thunder and the cold mist that dusted his face before the harsh pouring, although it made his shirt stick uncomfortably to his back and his socks to feel sticky. He allowed this because Eren had loved the rain. Eren thought that it was good luck; that it would wash away all the sins of the world just for a few precious hours that the thunderstorm held. Levi had also grown to love the rain too. Because while his husband was enjoying the storm outside the window, Levi could be snuggled up close to his side, sharing in his warmth until Eren decided that the bed would be a lot warmer.  
Levi almost laughed at the memory. Because now, he was stuck here, on the Earth with a big-ass bed that felt far too large for his lonely heart and a house where he could hear the echoes of their fight. The unnecessary fight that had been Levi's sin. The one sin that the rain couldn't wash away, no matter how hard it tried. For it was his fault that Eren had got into his old, creaky car and driven away, all out of anger, and just to get in a fateful accident that night. If only Levi had stopped him from leaving. if only Levi would've said the words that he couldn't that night. The words that told Eren that he was sorry, that he was mistaken, that he was just being stubborn and impatient. No, it was all his fault. His own, sad, fault.  
And so here he lay, on the damp earth whose chill soaked through his expensive clothes and into his skin, with the freezing rain that poured out its pity and regret. Here, Levi lay, and though he was shivering violently, he took off his thick coat and draped it over Eren. So maybe a little of the light that Eren held could be preserved.  
//  
At 3:59 pm, Levi told himself a joke. It was one by Hemingway, Eren's favorite author.  
"Why did the chicken cross the road, Eren?"  
Because it wanted to die in the rain, alone."  
Levi chuckled.  
"Wasn't that funny, Eren? Hemingway said that just before he committed suicide. I don't think it was a coincidence. What about you?"  
//  
"I'll tell you more jokes when I see you again. I know how much you loved my jokes, however rare they were."  
//  
"I love you."  
//  
"I'm sorry."  
//  
"Please forgive me."  
//  
And with that, Levi dragged himself into the coffin and curled up next to Eren, trying to share his heat.  
//  
"It's cold, isn't it?"  
//  
"I'll keep you warm."  
//  
At 3:05 pm, Levi fell asleep next to his departed husband, and gave himself up to the rain.  
//  
At 9:23 pm, the cold rain, along with Levi's old age and his broken heart, provided enough to let Levi let go of his physical attachment to Earth. He floated away on the next breeze.


End file.
